You find some odd things in families. People refuse to talk to other people and cannot even remember why. Some children think that they are entitled to everything when their father dies because he “worked for it all” and all their mother did was stay home and raise children. Divorced parents give too much to their children out of guilt and ignore other responsibilities they have.
When settling an estate, the first child in the door is sometimes the one that carries off the most valuable or most meaningful household items or heirlooms. Rare is the family that carries on a loving relationship past the death of the parents.
Parents understand their children. Sometimes they will not admit to themselves that their children are less than the wonderful persons they should be.
You can take steps to keep post-death family animosity and bickering to a minimum. First, understand that money will always divide within a penny of being even. The fighting generally starts over the items of tangible personal property (the meaningful household items or heirlooms). It is usually preventable.
Here is what to do: Make a list of which item you want to go to which child. Date and sign the list. Give a copy of it to each child and your lawyer. Keep the original with your will or trust. If you change the list or add to it later, date and sign the new list and distribute new copies to the children and your lawyer. If the kids want to trade items after you are gone, they can work it out.
If your children are cooperative, gather them together and make the list then. Keep the in-laws out of it. Their influence is generally bad. Also be aware that a child, when asked, may say they want nothing. That will change at your death.
If you are a child that suddenly finds him or herself in a family conflict following a death, remember that it is only money or stuff. Stay focused on the eternal. It is not worth your salvation.
From an earthly standpoint, there are things you can do short of legal action. Gather the family together. Agree to have the estate pay for copies of family pictures that everyone wants. Set any disputed items in a pile. Draw numbers out of a hat for the order of selection and then pick until finished. If that does not work, hold an auction. Interested persons can bid on the coveted items. Money divides within a penny of being even.
Need help planning your estate or settling the estate of a loved one? Contact the attorneys at Mularski, Bonham, Dittmer, & Phillips, LLC. at (614) 478-8020.